I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize