The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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