accomplished twins. life is a go
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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