He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
