Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
