If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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