i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
