Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
