just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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