the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
