You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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