Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
