Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
