I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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