he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
