I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
