my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
