dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
