we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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