I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
