all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
