That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
