pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I see more hoeing in ur future
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
