I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
