I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
