It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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