No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
