halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
