This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Alive.
So much puke
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
