Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
