We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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