I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
