And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
