This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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