were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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