My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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