Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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