Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
