Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
