Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
