That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize
