remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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