the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
