How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
