i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
