did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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