Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
