his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize