My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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