i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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