Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize