How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
