Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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