She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
