I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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