there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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