Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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