Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(941): View more from Florida

I was born with a shot glass in my hand

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(212): View more from New York

I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.

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(347): View more from New York

These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.

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(206): View more from Washington

We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.

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(905): View more from Ontario

ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care

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(205): View more from Alabama

I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.

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(488): View more from

Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy

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(908): View more from New Jersey

It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

All I said was okay...

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