Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
