My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
