i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
