no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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