After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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