yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
