; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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