You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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