somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
