I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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